Applying for scholarships is a breeze.  Fill out your name, your number, your address, your college, and your income level.  Simple stuff.  Writing essays for those scholarships is hard.  Deadly hard.  I can’t write—this is a well-known fact.  I pretend to write because I like seeming bohemian and hip.

Fact is, I have no idea how to even begin going about answering questions like “Do you think that the death penalty should be lawful?  Explain your position on ethical, philosophical, or moral grounds” and “What does the American Dream mean to you and how do you fulfill it?”  I don’t have the life experience or the eloquence to even BEGIN this seemingly-monumental task.

Any suggestions?